Autistic Children are Children, Not Second Class Citzens

Recently, there was a news article about a couple in California who kept their 11 year old autistic son in a large cage when he was having violent outbursts. They also had two other children, 8 and 6. The couple were arrested and their children put into the foster care system.

I have friends (and hope to still have them) who disagreed with putting the children into foster care. That because the children were in good health and the two "normal" children were never put into a cage, then the parents should just be given a warning and everything else was good. That because the parents were poor, with little education and English wasn't even their language, that what the parents did was understandable. What else were they to do when faced with such a difficult child?

Learn. Ask for help. Demand help.

I still have the scars, physical and mental ones, from when my middle child was violent with me. I put myself in front of him to keep him from hurting himself and others, especially his siblings. There's nothing like having your child come after you with a shovel  (and multiple other items) with the intent to seriously injure you that makes you question everything you know about God, the medical community and the educational system. But I never considered that my child was less than human. That he didn't have any rights to be treated as a human, no matter what he did.

Being poor ISN"T a valid excuse. Little education ISN"T a valid excuse. I've been on many online boards where other parents asking for advice for their children are poor and have little education as well. They want what was best for their child. Their safety and sometimes sanity were the last things on their mind. What was best for their child was their priority.

If this was any other type of special needs, would it make this behavior okay? If the child was blind? Deaf? What if it was a senior citizen with dementia, who becomes violent and likes to escape?

According to the comments that I've read, it's okay to do this to an autistic child. The second class human. It's okay to treat them as less than human.

NO! It's not. When we start assigning levels of humans, then we descend into another holocaust, where if someone is different, then it's okay to treat them as less than human. As animals.

I thought society had learned that lesson already.

What is real and what is Facebook??

I love Facebook.  I am able to keep in touch with family - brothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, aunts, and lots of cousins that I otherwise would not be able keep in touch with.  I've also been able to reconnect with high school and college friends that I always wondered about.  And, I keep in touch with new friends and acquaintances that stay busy and post about their busy lives.

But, recently, I felt and acted like I was back in elementary school while I was on Facebook.  I've learned as I've gotten older that most of us don't feel as if we belong, as if we're odd (and truth be told, we all are a little odd!).  I always felt that way growing up.  I've never fully understood why my sisters could have lots of friends while I could only make a few, but I've accepted, for the most part, who I am as I've matured.

And, then, last Friday was my birthday.  I honestly don't care if anyone outside of my family acknowledges my birthday in real life.  In fact, the only person who really counts is my husband.  Otherwise, it's not really a blip on what's important in life, especially now that it falls just a few days after the worst tragedies in recent American history.  It's hard to celebrate when the rest of the country is remembering 9/11.

For some reason this year, my birthday was not posted on Facebook, and I felt like I did in elementary school - that no one liked me.  As if Facebook is a big, school type community and the person with the most likes is the popular one.  I know in my heart that I have friends and family who would have wished me happy birthday if they had known.  And, in real life, it didn't matter if someone called and wished me happy birthday.  But, after having gone all day with no birthday wishes, I posted "....I'm going to eat some worms" after that old song "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms."  The next morning, the sense was back in my head and I deleted the post.

So, I apologize.  I really have matured.  I just had a lapse of feeling as if I was back in elementary school, or younger.  It may happen once in awhile.  I'm never going to be the popular one, and I know that.  And, I'm okay with that.  I'm loved by my family and that's what matters most. 

I'm 46!!!!

Jeanne/jazdia

Dreams, Goals & Remembering

I've never posted a blog before, so I am hoping that this will work.  Some of my friends think my voice needs to be heard and that this is a good forum for that.

Today is 9/11.  A day of remembrance for the whole country.  I remember watching the news in the morning when the first plane hit the Two Towers and not really knowing what was going on.  I took a shower, and when I came out, the second tower had been hit.  I took the kids to school, picked them up, and spent most of the rest of the time for the next several weeks watching tv, trying to understand what was going on.

I eventually had to stop watching, mostly because the kids were too upset.  I go back and forth between being a news junkie.  I like knowing what is going on, even if I can't do anything about it.  To me, the knowledge gives me some power over my circumstances.  But, there comes a time, especially in this day and age where we have information overload and the knowledge just becomes too much.  Then, I tend to retreat from the news, not know what is going on.  And, it's okay to not know everything that is going on everywhere, as long as I know what is going on that is important to me, which is mainly my family.

My husband of 24 years and I have three children.  Two have flown the nest already, kind of, and one is still at home.  It feels strange to go from a busy household of three children always needing my attention to one 16 year old son who only seems to need me for dinner and clean clothes, and even then, he's pretty self-sufficient and can fend for himself.  Our oldest is in her second year of college and is becoming more and more independent.  Our middle child has been in a residential school for over 5 years now because of his autism, and we are now starting the process for becoming his legal guardians when he turns 18 next year.  He will never be able to truly "fly the nest". 

I remember what it was like to be a stay at home mom to three active kids.  It was not easy, and I never felt that I could really enjoy it since I was never really given a choice.  I couldn't work.  I wanted to be home with my kids, but I also never knew when my middle child would act up and I would have to pick him up from school, so I rarely could make plans or goals.  Making it through the day sometimes was the only goal that I hoped to accomplish.

Soon after William went to the residential school, I found a part-time job that helped give me that self-identity again.  I was no longer mom or wife, but administrative assistant.  I worked there for over 4 years, and for the most part I enjoyed working there and learned a lot about team work, and just gained a sense of self.  But, now that I'm no longer working again, it's been hard.  I know that I'm putting a lot of responsibility on my already responsible husband.  I'm turning 46 in a few days, and a part of me finds it silly that I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.  Do I want to go back to school?  Get the house absolutely clean and organized?  Lose the 40 pounds I need to lose to be healthy?  Write a book?

Write a book is definitely started.  I hope to start talking about it and promoting it more soon.  Losing the weight is something I need to push myself more on, because it's hard for me to want to sweat.  Cleaning?  Organizing?  Working on it, slowly.  Goals and dreams.  What are yours?

Jeanne

 

The Speed of Dark

The Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon is a sci-fi book that looks at the near future and its perfect society and the people who don't fit.  More specifically, there is now a cure for autism at birth, but this group of people just missed getting the cure, so they work for a corporation, a pharmaceutical corporation that, along with its other research, finds a possible cure for the older functioning autistic adults.  What makes a person who he is?  The main character volunteers for the procedure, and what is most interesting are the "normal" people who he interacts with who don't want him to change.  They know he's different, and they like his differences.  But, he still doesn't fully understand human interactions.  Who really does?  But, he wants a chance to go beyond what he can.  He knows he can get overstimulated and then will shut down.  He has great coping skills for stressful situations - but he wants more.

I love this character because he helped me understand my own son just a smidgeon more.  Elizabeth Moon has her own autistic son and tried to find out how his mind worked to write this book.  She writes more about her own challenges, which any parent of an autistic child should read.

Autism, sci-fi/fantasy, writing, and my family are my main interests in life.  Not necessarily in that order, depending on the day.  Hope I post more!!